So, last week we talked about love. Love is a choice to put others before ourselves and to serve them. But how can we go about serving them and showing our love to them? Not everyone feels loved in the same ways. Sure, we can all appreciate anything that other people do for us, but everyone has certain things that particularly mean something to them and that make them feel especially loved and cared for. Which brings us to the five love languages, five different ways that people feel especially loved by. Most people have a primary one of these, one that means more to them than the others. Identifying what your family members' and friends' primary languages are can be very helpful in determining how to best turn the choice to love into action. (Knowing your own can be helpful too!) Before we dive into what these five languages of love are, I'd like to add that these are not my own ideas but are the work of Gary Chapman. His first book about this, The Five Love Languages, can be found on his website (Discover Your Love Language - The 5 Love Languages®), along with several other books on the topic and quizzes to help you discover your own love language and try to identify the ones of your family and friends. (I cannot necessarily recommend all of his things only because I have not read them, but I have read and enjoyed his book for teens that goes into more detail about this, A Teen’s Guide to the 5 Love Languages). What Are the Five Love Languages?
Quality time people need you to be with them. They want to be listened to, but not while you're doing something else. They like eye-contact and your undivided attention. Going for a drive together, just asking how their day was and then really listening, playing a board game together, and these type of activities that involve doing something meaningful together are all excellent ways to show love to those with this love language.
We all can probably think of someone we know who is always giving gifts. On your birthday, they have a gift. When they go on a trip, they bring back something for someone else. On a random occasion, they may randomly get you something that they know you'll like, even though it's not a day we would typically give gifts on. These people likely speak the love language of gifts (though not everyone shows and receives love best in the same language). Remembering their birthday or anniversary with a gift means alot to them. Little gifts all throughout the year serve as reminders of your love for them. It doesn't have to be big things; it can be something as simple as getting their favorite snack at the grocery store, buying them a pen you think they'd like, or printing them a picture of the two of you.
These are the huggers. They feel close by being physically close. Of course, all touching should be kept appropriate (and should probably only be between family or people of the same gender), but simply holding hands or squeezing their shoulder speaks love to these people and reassures them that you care about them.
Doing a chore for them, making them breakfast, doing something that they like to do for fun with them, picking up something they need at the store, and any other way to be a help spells love loud and clear for people with this love language. Invest in helping them, and you've invested in them.
Lastly is those who need a kind word. These people need to be told that you love them. An encouraging note, a compliment or praise, a quick text message, a surprise letter/postcard, or a simple "I love you" makes them feel loved. Small comments such as "I love how you...", "You look great in that outfit!", "I'm really proud of you", or "You're really special to me" make a big difference for these people. (Just remember to be genuine and really mean what you say to them!) To find out more about these five love language, visit the website (Discover Your Love Language® - The 5 Love Languages®)! I'd encourage you to take the quiz and have family or friends take it as well! Do you have an idea about what your love language might be? How about family's or friends'?
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